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Little Miracles.

You knew, Lord,
that a little extra time to sleep in
is just what my body and mind needed today?
There are plenty of mornings when I have to hold on and carry on even though I'm a zombie,
But not today.
Thank you for helping my weary body and my restless toddler find synchrony in staying a sleep,
just a little longer,
this morning.

You knew, Lord,
that I was scared of being the new kid again.
I should be used to it by now, the many times I've been new at a neighborhood or job...
but this time the butterflies still came.
And there she was, my old friend from Gig Harbor, with her son and baby sitting behind us at church
and I know I disrupted the meeting when I ran to hug her
but I think you understand,
and my heart was filled with assurance
that this is the right place for my family
and I'll belong here, too.

You knew, Lord,
at my panic before the doctor's office
and you know perfectly the awful pain I felt there before
And while it hurt some, this time you made me stro…
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The Worry, Babe

The worry babe, It's plain to see it's affecting all of me and I'm trying hard to have faith, believe but help me in what I can't see you've got the strength of many souls to trust in how God's plan unfolds but honey, why's it eating me? This inability to see what's coming next in anything?

I was in the middle of _____

I've been gone a while,
I was in the middle of packing.
I was in the middle of moving.
I was in the middle of throwing up and feeling exhaustion even after good nights' rests and naps.
I was in the middle of unpacking.
I was in the middle of meeting new people and missing the old ones with ardor.
I was in the middle of weeping.
I was in the middle of hoping.
I was in the middle of caring for five children as a substitute mom to four and a for-reals mom to one,
I was in the middle of walking the paths of my childhood while making memories in the present.
I was in the middle of art projects, play dough, homemade pizza and movies at the sticky shoe.
I was in the middle of l i f e
and in the middle of it all
I left my writing on the shelf
in order to just live.

But I'm back now.

I started this blog thinking there would never be a day I didn't want to write,
because I love love love to put words on pages.
I just didn't anticipate that there are times when the words have…

How long does it take?

How long does it take?
Til a house feels like a home?
I’ve forgotten since the last time.

How long does it take?
To adjust to the steps?
You know, to the point where you can navigate the house in the dark, and fetch your baby a bottle and rock him to sleep without turning any lights on.

How long does it take?
To stop calling the other place home?
Because right now, I still feel like a stranger (a happy stranger, but foreign at that)
And I miss Provo.

Day #302


I didn't expect tears,
and I didn't expect him to put his hands in front of mine to stop the tape.
At first he thought it was a game, as I took books off the shelf, so did he
He giggled as he did it, making his floor a library instead of the shelf. It was cute.
But now, now he dives into the boxes,
pulling out the things I've placed inside
and gazing at me through tearstained eyes, confused.
It didn't hit me til today, after days and days of this placing and packaging
that I'm placing his whole world into boxes.
These little walls, these four rooms. It's here we gave him a tour after he came home from the hospital, showing him each and every corner of our little home.
Daddy and me weeping and laughing because we'd never lived our life with three before,
and the joy spilled over.
We walked and talked through every room,
We were introducing him to life in a duplex, life in our home, our sanctuary.
For his 15 months, this has been his place
and I'm a littl…

Protect You

Baby, last night you found two white circles on our friends’ floor
Two itty bitty fat and flat cylinders
And how was I to know they were Altoids?
You’da been fine.
But baby, I didn’t know til that moment
How fast I could scoop you up,
How my fingers could pry open your stubborn little lips to pry out that pill,
How the adrenaline kicked me to high-gear in a fraction of a moment
Because Baby, last night I learned that I’m a momma bear
And I’ll do what it takes
To protect you

Day #300

Would You Rather?

I never liked the games they'd play
those boys, who'd wile the hours away
in lines for lunch, or rides, or class
And all that time they'd gruesomely ask
"Would you rather" that or this
from hearing a roar or a rattlesnake's hiss
to death by rabbits or death by goats
Allergy to water, or inability to float
But midst the nasty situations splayed
in this yucky game that boys would play
when faced with sleep loss or hunger's pains
I knew from which I would refrain
For while it's not pleasant to hear stomach rumbles
Without sleep, I know, I'd endlessly grumble.
But would I tell those boys? Why no,
Interest in their talk I'd never show
But if I had to pose my own quest,
a dementor or an orc, would you rather best?

Day #299