PERCENT

My husband is a chill guy.

I am less than chill at times (many . . . times) and my mind races a million miles a minute about my feelings and the potential feelings of others and what if he thought this and what if I offended with that... it's exhausting. But often the times I should have picked up on saying something that truly offended someone, I don't, and I move on my merry way, and hit someone with hurt, which is a terrible predicament for them and for me. And I wish everyone had a stoplight above their brains that turned red when something I said bugged and green when the conversation was going well and yellow when they were getting bored.

I digress.

So sometimes, after I say something that could have potentially been taken as a cutting remark to my husband, I'll say, "Are you mad?" And the thing is, he's the furthest from mad (because he's so chill). He's moved on from whatever we were talking about a long time ago.

Recently, when I fidget and squirm and mumble, "areyamadd?" or something of the sort, he responds:

"I'm zero percent mad. One hundred percent in love."

or, as the case may require,

"one hundred percent good, zero percent angry, fifty percent sleepy."

or, most confusingly but forgivingly,

"zero-percent-bothered-one-hundred-percent-not-bothered."

What a chill hottie.

And I want to learn from him and adopt those percentages.