A Year and 10 Days Ago

Dear Friends, Family, Acquaintances, and you lovely random passerby of the Blogosphere--

A year and 10 days ago I set out on a journey to write a blog post a day, for two months straight. I did that successfully, and then decided to extend my challenge to a one-year challenge.

My report? I wrote 317 blog posts in a 365-day period. And I think that's pretty rad.

A few reflections on this experience:

Firstly, I started this blog not just because I love writing, but because I needed help.

I was suffering from some intense postpartum anxiety, but I didn't know that's what it was at the time. Every moment of every day I felt like I was under severe stress and pressure, even when there were no evident triggers for such. The feeling in my gut on an almost constant basis felt like the queasy stomach, racing heartbeat, and unsettled mind that greeted me before every math test and job interview I've had growing up.

I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how to fix it, and I was MISERABLE.

I had the privilege of learning from a religious leader of mine who is a retired psychologist, he shared some insights about mental health in an informational meeting with a group of women in my congregation. As he discussed with us, he helped me pinpoint my struggles as a type of anxiety. He also recommended some practices that could help me, three of which I took to heart with gusto. These included: 1)Improved diet and daily exercise, 2)Learning to say "No" (for me that looked like turning down social invitations when I didn't have the time or energy), and 3)Doing something daily that I really, truly enjoy.

Can you guess what I did for number 3?
You got it. I started writing this blog with vigor. I just had to write again. I took up writing daily on this blog format in particular to keep myself accountable and excited about it. I first started with the goal of just two months, and after seeing how much fun it was and how much I looked forward to it, I decided to keep it going. I decided that it didn't matter what I wrote about--whether it was an update on my life, a haiku poem, or a recipe--as long as I wrote EVERY DAY.

My anxiety was such that these practices truly brought peace, order, and joy back to my life. Of course I cannot go without saying that my darling Husband, my sweet family, a few dear friends and my savior Jesus Christ also gave me essential support I needed to push through.
Additionally, though, I needed to write. That was one tool God knew I needed. It was essential that I take time every day to do something that I've loved ever since I learned my first letters. Writing is something that brings me purpose, voice, and human connection.

I've loved this journey and I love the people I've been able to connect with as I've blogged. I've shared my experiences with my elephant brain, love of spouse and child, learning work ethic from my parents, poems about the hierarchy of playground relationships, my testimony of Christ Jesus, and more. In turn, I've found some incredible fellow writers whose words have inspired me and helped me to become a better human.

Around January of this year, I started to feel a different connection with my blog experience. I started to feel a little less need to write in this specific format every day, and a need surfaced to write things like letters or a family scrapbook or poetry on real parchment paper. I've struggled with my conflicting feelings, because I'm not the type of girl to give up on a goal. But, as you can tell, I didn't get to that full 365 number. The me a year ago might have been upset with the me of today for not keeping with it 100%. But the me today is pretty excited that I WROTE 317 ENTRIES and published them online.

Where to from here? I'm going to keep writing. I won't blog every day, because I have other things to write, and I feel that I learned what I needed to learn from keeping this blog so consecutively in months past. I have so much else to write.

But don't fret. I'll still blog, guys :) It just won't be every day. My soft goal for now is 4 plus posts a month.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Do something uplifting that you really, really love. For me, that includes writing. For you, it might be parkour or yoga or cooking French pastries or learning to speak Thai. Seek out your creative outlet and make an appointment with yourself EVERY DAY to do that thing. If someone asks you if you're free to go to lunch, don't budge if it interferes with your appointment with yourself. It will do wonders for the welfare of your soul!

Also, IMPORTANTLY, If you are suffering mentally or think you might be suffering mentally, seek guidance and help. Don't stay quiet. Talk with the people you're closest to about what you are feeling. Seek the best treatment for you. For me at this time in my life, my therapy and medication was making room in my life to exercise and eat fruits and veggies and do something I loved. Your treatment will likely be different than mine. But for your sake and the sake of those you love, get the help you need.

Guys, thanks for being with me on this journey. Some of you have read every post and some of you have read a smattering and some have dabbled, and whomever you are, I appreciate you taking the time to read a little of me. I truly feel as C.S. Lewis put it, "We read to know we are not alone."

And may I add, Brother Lewis, we write to know we are not alone, either.

Mikayla out :)