Skip to main content

Where's Number Three


A neighbor in her mid-thirties.
A woman in her seventies.
Their single commonality?
They both asked me: Where's number three?

I have a son, his name Charlie
And then McKay, he's not quite three
In my heart, both fit perfectly
Yet others ask: Where's number three?

Perhaps it's that I miscarried,
My spouse's infidelity,
The ache of infertility,
A battle raging mentally,

Illness on a crippling spree,
Our family is complete, maybe.
The reason's one or more of these,
Yet you dare ask: Where's number three?

In this question, running free
Are judgements, jeering icily
"You're not enough, Mik, can't you see?
Buck up and give us number three!"

I used to flounder, squirm, agree
Or curl up small, cry, and plead.
With time, I've seen things differently.
I won't explain for number three.

The questions of maternity
Are just between my spouse and me
And Parents, guiding Heavenly
So please don't ask: Where's number three?



Artwork Credit: Beth Boren, my sister–in–law


The story behind the poem: Over the past 18 months, I have had eleven individuals question my family size. Their statements range from "You only have two kids? I think you need to have more kids" to "I can't help thinking you're going to announce baby number three soon" to, most brazen, "Why aren't you pregnant right now?" 

My poem answers how I felt about their inquiries. 

I'm not alone in feeling like my life is under an appraising cultural microscope. I have a family member who is constantly asked why he isn't married. A dear friend of mine is questioned for her decision to homeschool. Another has been belittled for her decision to enroll her children in daycare while she goes to work to provide for her family. 

My reason for this poem is in hopes that we can be a little more gentle with each other, especially as Christians. Everyone around us is a child of God, and I believe most people are trying their very best. Instead of prying into personal life circumstances as conversation starters, I hope we'll instead seek to understand and love each other more deeply. Perhaps, instead, we can ask "What do you love most about your kids?" or "What book has changed your life, and why?" or "I know you love art, could you show me some of your recent work?" 

Let's leave the judgement to God and choose, instead, to love one another. 

Much love,
MJ


“A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you. … By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another”
(John 13:34-35)






Comments

  1. Katie GronemanJune 13, 2022 at 12:15 PM

    This reminded me of my first pregnancy - I had only told one or two teacher friends, but no other coworkers (waiting for that first trimester to be over). I miscarried at 11 weeks, but still went in to school the day after I started bleeding for a teacher work day I felt I couldn't miss. One of my male coworkers noted that two others in the group were pregnant and said, "Why aren't you pregnant?!" Yeah... pretty sure my face went white as a sheet, but I laughed it off. That was a bad day for pregnancy jokes... pretty much all days are bad days for pregnancy jokes really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mikayla JohnsonJune 16, 2022 at 9:43 PM

      Kate, thanks so much for sharing this personal anecdote. Firstly, I'm so sorry you miscarried, that is a tragedy that no mother should have to face, yet so many mothers do. I ache that you are among them. Second, you are so right—pretty much all days are bad days for pregnancy jokes. That particular jab with that particular timing must have been so painful.

      Delete
  2. J H PettitJuly 11, 2022 at 8:18 PM

    Amen!

    ReplyDelete
  3. J H PettitJuly 11, 2022 at 8:19 PM

    P.S. I love, love, LOVE that piece of artwork of your family!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Problem with Chick Flicks.

I really, really, really enjoy a select few movies that I willingly watch over and over again. Pride and Prejudice is one of them. You see, Elizabeth's defense of her family, her sense of self respect, her ability to admit that she was wrong and to appreciate Darcy despite all his quirks, and quizzical brow-ness... it's marvelous. My husband doesn't share the sentiment, could you tell? ... and that's okay. There's rare a chick flick I enjoy near as much as I enjoy Pride and Prejudice or A Walk To Remember , and I wanted to explain why. You see, there's more than just a few problems with (many, not all) chick flicks:  (and if you have a chick flick that escapes many of these pitfalls then please oh please leave it's title in the comment section!) The heroine (or suitor) is less than honorable. I have a hard time rooting for a girl to get a gentleman when she's spending her time being scandalously loose with other men ( #thenotebook) . An...
10 comments
Read more

A Year and 10 Days Ago

Dear Friends, Family, Acquaintances, and you lovely random passerby of the Blogosphere-- A year and 10 days ago I set out on a journey to write a blog post a day, for two months straight. I did that successfully, and then decided to extend my challenge to a one-year challenge. My report? I wrote 317 blog posts in a 365-day period. And I think that's pretty rad. A few reflections on this experience: Firstly, I started this blog not just because I love writing, but because I needed help. I was suffering from some intense postpartum anxiety, but I didn't know that's what it was at the time. Every moment of every day I felt like I was under severe stress and pressure, even when there were no evident triggers for such. The feeling in my gut on an almost constant basis felt like the queasy stomach, racing heartbeat, and unsettled mind that greeted me before every math test and job interview I've had growing up. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how...
8 comments
Read more

5 Children's Books You Really Oughta Read

I love reading almost as much as I love writing. And I love writing almost as much as I love reading. Depends on the day. One never truly trumps the other. Gotta have both. These are 5 children's books I've read within the past 2 years that gave me that turn-page feeling, that friends-with-the-characters feeling, that weepy-when-it's-over-feeling. I dare you to read one and I triple-dog-dare you to leave a comment below telling me a story that's given YOU them sort of feelings. #5-- Flotsam  by David Wiesner. If you're not much of a reader (or for your loved ones who can't read at all!) check this one out. It's a whimsical wordless picture book that entertains your curiosities of what truly lies at the bottom of the sea while simultaneously indulges hopes of finding something truly awesome washed up on the shores of a summer destination spot. #4-- Echo  by Pam Muñoz Ryan. With three main characters, three plot lines from WWII era, music liter...
6 comments
Read more