Afraid of Time

Sometimes

I'm

Afraid

Of
Time.

Because right now,

I'm twenty-five,

and 

I've figured out

what twenty-five

looks like...

...for me.

It's his graduate school,

having a newborn kid,

and figuring out insurance for a totaled car.
It's a duplex home

and walking with a stroller to restaurants for impromptu dates

because we can.

It's hair longer

than it's ever

ever

been.

It's eating a lindor chocolate

but just one, maybe two

because the baby weight is almost gone

and it's been hard work

to get this far.

It's being the only sibling

married

and the only sibling

with children

and watching my handsome brothers

grow up between blinks

and wishing sometimes

we were small again

but wishing away the wishing

because I want to enjoy 

right now

and watching them

figure out 

who they're gonna be

and seeing their talents

shine

and 

being 

proud

of them.

It's seeing my students

they're small right now

And wasn't I just barely them?
Sketching pictures in the margins

and daydreaming about saving enough pennies

for a dog.

Playing tag with the boys

because playing "babies" with the girls

was too dramatic

for me.

But I'm not nine?
I'm twenty-five.

and in a few moments

I'll be sixty-three

but even then
I'll

feel still

like

I'm twenty-five.

I don't know what twenty-six

looks like

and that scares me a bit

because I just figured out

what

twenty-five

looks like.

Sometimes

I'm 

Afraid

Of

Time.