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Afraid of Time

Sometimes
I'm
Afraid
Of
Time.

Because right now,
I'm twenty-five,
and 
I've figured out
what twenty-five
looks like...
...for me.

It's his graduate school,
having a newborn kid,
and figuring out insurance for a totaled car.
It's a duplex home
and walking with a stroller to restaurants for impromptu dates
because we can.

It's hair longer
than it's ever
ever
been.
It's eating a lindor chocolate
but just one, maybe two
because the baby weight is almost gone
and it's been hard work
to get this far.

It's being the only sibling
married
and the only sibling
with children
and watching my handsome brothers
grow up between blinks
and wishing sometimes
we were small again
but wishing away the wishing
because I want to enjoy 
right now
and watching them
figure out 
who they're gonna be
and seeing their talents
shine
and 
being 
proud
of them.

It's seeing my students
they're small right now
And wasn't I just barely them?
Sketching pictures in the margins
and daydreaming about saving enough pennies
for a dog.
Playing tag with the boys
because playing "babies" with the girls
was too dramatic
for me.

But I'm not nine?
I'm twenty-five.
and in a few moments
I'll be sixty-three
but even then
I'll
feel still
like
I'm twenty-five.

I don't know what twenty-six
looks like
and that scares me a bit
because I just figured out
what
twenty-five
looks like.

Sometimes
I'm 
Afraid
Of
Time.



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