I've been having flashbacks over the past several months to a poster I used to see hanging all over campus during my undergrad career, which stated in bold, "RECAPTURING BEAUTY." It was an advertisement for a women's services lecture series by incredible women like Elizabeth Smart and Stephanie Nielson, who have come to see themselves as beautiful again after undergoing tremendous adversity.
Capturing and recapturing our beauty is a journey that I'm certain EVERY woman goes through. It's a necessary journey, and it isn't vanity. Vanity stems from comparison and degrading others. Self confidence and a knowledge of one's own beauty is a healthy, necessary element of identity.
Here's a few of my insights on the matter from personal experience in recent months.
I gained 43 pounds from the time my pregnancy started to the day before Charlie was born. Yesterday, a little over 5 months after his birthdate, I made it back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I've still got a few lbs to go to get to my goal weight, but I'm trying hard now (and tried hard along the way before, now, and in the future) to see myself as beautiful.
Pregnancy itself was a gorgeous and depressing journey all at once. Feeling a small human--MY small human!--kick inside me was nothing short of a beautiful thing and every day I'm grateful for him and every day I remember the sacrifice and I know I'd do it again willingly. But watching the numbers climb on the scale and seeing my abdomen explode in harsh scarlet stretch marks was, well, difficult. It was discouraging to feel so crummy, and the only things that subsided my ravenous and queasy stomach included Gushers (yes, the fruit snacks), Cafe Rio, Lemons, and Dr. Pepper--which didn't help with the weight gain problem. Exercise was the last thing on my mind after a full day of teaching while simultaneously fighting exhaustion and nausea. Leaning over my belly to half-hug my husband did not exactly make me feel like the youthful bride he once married. I felt awkward in my own skin.
I never had a single, grand a-ha moment. Nor an angelic visitation. Nothin' like that. But I did feel assurances along the way from the spirit telling me, "Thank you for carrying your son," "God loves you," "remember your talents," and "remember the people that love you." Kevin constantly told me as he observed my distress over my body changes, "I love you and I think you're beautiful!" After hearing him say that with such sincerity and a dashing half-smile, well, I did feel a lot better. Despite my dissatisfaction with the changes my body was undergoing, I could pause for a glimmer of a moment and see myself as beautiful. I could see this gorgeous vessel that was bringing life to my child. I could see myself as God's creation.
After the grand occasion of my son's birth...I had that frustrating moment when my before-baby pants didn't fit and my gut pooched out (with no baby in it anymore!). That's part of the sacrifice. But Kevin kept reminding me, and the spirit kept reminding me, and I kept reminding me that it didn't matter. I was still beautiful.
But I could also work on improving myself.
A few dear friends of mine have worked really hard in recent years to improve their health through weight loss and exercise, and they inspired me!
So I started to eat differently. It hasn't been drastic. I've counted my calories with an app called LoseIt and I've lost a little over a pound a week since Charlie's birth. I haven't said goodbye to chocolate or bread, I've just limited it. I'm still miserable when it comes to a workout schedule (I can honestly say that I haven't run a mile in over 18 months), but I had to start somewhere and I've got time to still work on that. Every day before I get on the scale, I tell myself mentally, "No matter what the number is, I'm going to love myself." That's made a big difference in all of this. The thing is, I'm beautiful now, but I was beautiful then at 43 pounds heavier, too.
Do you remember your awkward phases? I had mine, including my puffball of hair when it went curly during puberty and when I got braces as a freshman in college. I've learned how to love my curls and I don't have to deal with braceface anymore, but you know something, I was beautiful then. I'm beautiful now.
Ladies out there, you're beautiful. You're drop dead gorgeous. You're a babe! Don't let any image that anybody throws at you convince you otherwise. Don't let the realities and limitations and debilitations of life skew what you see in the mirror. Love yourself. Improve yourself, but love yourself along the way. Recapture your beauty.
Capturing and recapturing our beauty is a journey that I'm certain EVERY woman goes through. It's a necessary journey, and it isn't vanity. Vanity stems from comparison and degrading others. Self confidence and a knowledge of one's own beauty is a healthy, necessary element of identity.
Here's a few of my insights on the matter from personal experience in recent months.
I gained 43 pounds from the time my pregnancy started to the day before Charlie was born. Yesterday, a little over 5 months after his birthdate, I made it back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I've still got a few lbs to go to get to my goal weight, but I'm trying hard now (and tried hard along the way before, now, and in the future) to see myself as beautiful.
Pregnancy itself was a gorgeous and depressing journey all at once. Feeling a small human--MY small human!--kick inside me was nothing short of a beautiful thing and every day I'm grateful for him and every day I remember the sacrifice and I know I'd do it again willingly. But watching the numbers climb on the scale and seeing my abdomen explode in harsh scarlet stretch marks was, well, difficult. It was discouraging to feel so crummy, and the only things that subsided my ravenous and queasy stomach included Gushers (yes, the fruit snacks), Cafe Rio, Lemons, and Dr. Pepper--which didn't help with the weight gain problem. Exercise was the last thing on my mind after a full day of teaching while simultaneously fighting exhaustion and nausea. Leaning over my belly to half-hug my husband did not exactly make me feel like the youthful bride he once married. I felt awkward in my own skin.
I never had a single, grand a-ha moment. Nor an angelic visitation. Nothin' like that. But I did feel assurances along the way from the spirit telling me, "Thank you for carrying your son," "God loves you," "remember your talents," and "remember the people that love you." Kevin constantly told me as he observed my distress over my body changes, "I love you and I think you're beautiful!" After hearing him say that with such sincerity and a dashing half-smile, well, I did feel a lot better. Despite my dissatisfaction with the changes my body was undergoing, I could pause for a glimmer of a moment and see myself as beautiful. I could see this gorgeous vessel that was bringing life to my child. I could see myself as God's creation.
After the grand occasion of my son's birth...I had that frustrating moment when my before-baby pants didn't fit and my gut pooched out (with no baby in it anymore!). That's part of the sacrifice. But Kevin kept reminding me, and the spirit kept reminding me, and I kept reminding me that it didn't matter. I was still beautiful.
But I could also work on improving myself.
A few dear friends of mine have worked really hard in recent years to improve their health through weight loss and exercise, and they inspired me!
So I started to eat differently. It hasn't been drastic. I've counted my calories with an app called LoseIt and I've lost a little over a pound a week since Charlie's birth. I haven't said goodbye to chocolate or bread, I've just limited it. I'm still miserable when it comes to a workout schedule (I can honestly say that I haven't run a mile in over 18 months), but I had to start somewhere and I've got time to still work on that. Every day before I get on the scale, I tell myself mentally, "No matter what the number is, I'm going to love myself." That's made a big difference in all of this. The thing is, I'm beautiful now, but I was beautiful then at 43 pounds heavier, too.
Do you remember your awkward phases? I had mine, including my puffball of hair when it went curly during puberty and when I got braces as a freshman in college. I've learned how to love my curls and I don't have to deal with braceface anymore, but you know something, I was beautiful then. I'm beautiful now.
Ladies out there, you're beautiful. You're drop dead gorgeous. You're a babe! Don't let any image that anybody throws at you convince you otherwise. Don't let the realities and limitations and debilitations of life skew what you see in the mirror. Love yourself. Improve yourself, but love yourself along the way. Recapture your beauty.
Adult onset acne... the bane of my existence... I honestly can't see past it most days. But whatever! I lost a ton of weight after Jane because I couldn't eat anything since she was so sensitive to my diet. I was 10 lbs lighter than pre-baby in just a couple of months... it was bad. Then around Halloween when I finally stopped nursing I made it back to pre-baby, plus 15 lbs. I was heavier than I've ever been (not prego). I've lost about 5 lbs, but it's taken like 12 weeks of really hard workouts and I think I'm eating relatively better... barg... Yeah, it's hard sometimes.
ReplyDeleteKate I'm sorry for the struggle! But I hope you know I think you're gorgeous and I've always looked up to you :)
DeleteI absolutely love everything about this post—and can really relate on so many levels as I’m currently waddling around at 8 months pregnant! —it is a beautiful thing! But those negative thoughts are always trying to work their way in! I love your outlook and am impressed with your hard work and dedication!
ReplyDeleteHermanita! You are beautiful and hang in there, those last weeks are killer but getting to meet your sweet baby is going to be amazing! Hope all is well in your new home :)
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