Their Grief/My Guilt/Confusion in Loss.

I found out someone's world shattered,

Someone they loved

left

this 

life.

I didn't know them well, not well enough, not well at all.

But I knew them.

I imagined how everything in their family's world had stopped,

sleep, food, they're all irrelevant when your life's love, your life's blood, has passed away

At least that's what I imagine it to be,

because it's never happened to me before,

not quite this way

not quite this fierce

not quite this kind of loss.

I could only imagine it.

I could only attend the funeral.

I could only do my best to give a heartfelt hug

but really, what could I do?

I just prayed.

And I'll be honest,

 I felt guilt

when I got home and ate ice cream

snuggled my baby

and kissed my husband.

I felt guilt

when I shopped at the grocery store

and read a good book in the afternoon

and stayed up sewing til late in the night.

I felt guilt

that I could do the normal things, and laugh and smile

the wheel of my life turning

when theirs is stopped 

a while.

And the logic in me says I'm fine, that doing the normal everyday happy things is fine.

But the heart in me is confused,

warbling a song between regular life

and holding on tighter

and hurting for those that grieve

and heading back to the normal and joyful again.