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Their Grief/My Guilt/Confusion in Loss.

I found out someone's world shattered,
Someone they loved
left
this 
life.

I didn't know them well, not well enough, not well at all.
But I knew them.
I imagined how everything in their family's world had stopped,
sleep, food, they're all irrelevant when your life's love, your life's blood, has passed away
At least that's what I imagine it to be,
because it's never happened to me before,
not quite this way
not quite this fierce
not quite this kind of loss.

I could only imagine it.
I could only attend the funeral.
I could only do my best to give a heartfelt hug
but really, what could I do?
I just prayed.

And I'll be honest,
 I felt guilt
when I got home and ate ice cream
snuggled my baby
and kissed my husband.
I felt guilt
when I shopped at the grocery store
and read a good book in the afternoon
and stayed up sewing til late in the night.
I felt guilt
that I could do the normal things, and laugh and smile
the wheel of my life turning
when theirs is stopped 
a while.

And the logic in me says I'm fine, that doing the normal everyday happy things is fine.
But the heart in me is confused,
warbling a song between regular life
and holding on tighter
and hurting for those that grieve
and heading back to the normal and joyful again.

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