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The Shut-Down Vibe

About four years ago, I told someone I look up to and trust that now that I've studied Spanish, I wanted very much to learn French. I'll never forget their look of general disdain as they asked me pointedly, "Why?"

Their reaction surprised me. I don't remember how I responded. And sadly, I let that moment shape me. I put French on the shelf. I can't blame my confidant for my lack of effort. But I do think that the "shut-down vibe" as I'm going to call it is far to common in our tone as we converse with those around us, and that strain of negativity destructs the speaker and the recipient.

Some other examples--a dear friend of mine (as a teenager) asked his mother if she thought he could finish the Book of Mormon in a week's time, she told him "No, I don't think you can." When I asked a talented classmate of mine some tips she'd have for me while I prepared for a high school choir audition, she responded that I shouldn't even try because I was certain not to make it. I've even, ashamedly, fallen into this shut-down vibe myself a few times when my husband suggests his eagerness to learn how to cut our son's hair or grow rainbow roses from itty-bitty seeds. Why did we allow ourselves to slump into pessimism to the point of snuffing out the potential brilliance of another?

A family therapist I deeply admire, Dr. John Lund, once gave the advice to couples not to "become dream-crushers." He talked about his dream to buy a cabin in Park City, and sometimes when he would start to vocalize this dream, his wife would start to panic (her financial alarms were screaming in her own organized brain) and start to list off the limitations to such a possibility. Dr. Lund explained to her that he wasn't going to flippantly go out and buy a cabin without planning with and consulting her first. He said it's often healthy for him to just dream a while, and how he needs his wife to support him in that dreaming and "what-iffing," if you will.

I want to do that for my husband. I want to do that for my children, my students, my friends. What if we just held a strong, positive "I think you CAN!" mentality? What good vibes would we send that could change the entirety of our own confidence and productivity, as well as that of others?

Last week I learned how to say "Je m'appelle Mikayla" and "Je suis un prof." So I'm learning French now, if only a few phrases as a time. I don't want to let the doubts of others confine me to empty hopes of yesteryear. And I pray and plan that I can change and not spread the shut-down vibe myself. If one of my kids comes to me in ten years and says, "Mom, I want to learn the Tuba." I want to say, "Well that's amazing! Tell me why you want to learn the Tuba? Let's come up with a plan to help you do that."

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Day #311

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